The Wait

I first saw her last December , on a cool Mumbai evening.

It was love at first sight.

No, it wasn't a girl. 

It was Interstellar.

Actually it was just the first teaser trailer. But it was enough for me. This is where my story begins.

For countless reasons, only some of which are fathomable, I haven't been able to write for this whole year, barring the one time in February. Needless to say, it has been a difficult time.

Like I said, it was December, and I had already given CAT, along with a bunch of others for getting into a B-school. None of them were promising enough for me to be hopeful. And this was my second and last attempt. Adding to it, I'd been told I won't get promoted with the rest of my buddies at work. That was the sacrifice I'd made for CAT.

 Staring into depths of an uncertain future, I came across this trailer. When I shared it on facebook, this was the caption:

Come what may in 2014 - I will absorb everything, and wait. Because now I can take it.

People often talk about their happy place. When times were bad for me, I'd say to myself, "Don't worry. Whatever happens, Man United have a game to play next week."

After watching this trailer, I had the same feeling. As long of Christopher Nolan is making movies, it's a reason to live for. 

I know it sounds crazy and perhaps melodramatic. Perhaps not to those who know me and my relationship with movies. But this year long wait for Interstellar got me through countless times of fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. 

Without going into details, I'll just say this: Most people I've met tell me emotional sensitivity is a weakness. But it really isn't. If you believe in good, then no matter how many times you break, you'll always find a way to heal, rise, and come back stronger.

So when today, 7th November arrived, the expectations had grown like an avalanche with every trailer, every moment, every breath.

THE BIG DAY

Ideally I'd have gone for the first show, but my mid-term exams were to conclude today. I spent 1200 bucks (for any foreigners reading this, it's actually rupees. We call them bucks to sound cool) on the ticket. This came as a shock to those here who don't know me that well. 

1. I was going alone, and 

2. I'd spent 1200 friggin' bucks on a movie ticket.

I had barely submitted my last answer sheet, and half my friends had already gathered and galloped to drink, who I'd have joined on any other day.

But then, today wasn't just any other day.

I have never, ever in my whole life, waited so longingly for anything. 

After throwing away the useless question paper and opening my wardrobe, a thought hit me: I'm gonna go dressed up for Interstellar. I couldn't help but smile at my own passionate insanity. Perhaps you now understand, why I was doing this alone. This was a date.

On my way to the movies, adrenaline was now starting to build up. Let's speed up that process, and make this story a perfect circle. Open phone --> Open video player --> There's only one video. 

And there she was, the teaser trailer.

Four hours later, I wonder - how many times does this happen in life? You wait a painstakingly long 11 months for the perfect day - and when you finally experience it, you find that perfect isn't even the perfect word?

To watch a movie is human, but a Nolan...divine

Infinity

I am floating. Flying. Drifting.

The feeling is that of weightlessness.

Gravity is not the only thing that drags us down. We all have our baggage, and get weighed down by several things.

Sandra Bullock, in "Gravity":  One can literally touch the serenity in this scene.

Alcohol, cigarettes, and substance abuse is done by many all over the world to feel free again, from the gut-wrenching pains of life. To feel weightless.

This post doesn't attempt to discourage any of those things. It is merely something else I did last week, when I felt down and out.

Every now and then we slip into negative spirals over the most trivial of things. I slip a little more than normal people, but I have become more and more adept at getting back up.

Last week was such a case. Down and down I went, into the self-loathing phase where even your walk betrays your mood, what with the hunched shoulders. Nothing looked even vaguely fascinating.

Then I picked up a book. And another. And another. Then I decided to watch the most compelling movies of 2013.

The change was quite evident. I felt like having met my long lost friends after years and years. The conscience began to take steps upward. Have you seen a wailing baby, and how it stops only if it's held by its mother? It felt like that.

Once you start moving upwards, you get these amazing ideas. No, not like discovering electricity. They are more like impulses, with a very positive ring to them. This Saturday for instance, I felt this incredible urge to go meet a close friend, who I hadn't met for a couple of months. That's progress, dear readers.

I have this annual tradition of trying to watch all the Oscar nominated movies before the awards are actually given out. Not that I am biased to like only the nominated films. It's just that we in India hear about only the commercially successful films. Anyway, back to the story.

Sunday arrived, and I decided to watch "Rush" the moment I woke up. In this surreal string of movies, I thought some disappointment is in store. Surely the next one can't be any better? But the bar just kept going higher.

"Her" was one of the nine nominated movies, available only in one theater in Mumbai. There was a 1.30 PM show, and a 11 PM show.
The theater was a good 20 kms away.
The clock said 12.30 PM.

Inside my head:

"Sure, the obvious choice is 11 PM now. The night will be cooler to travel, and it's too late to go for the 1.30 show now. 
Or is it?
I need 15 mins to get ready. Which means I'm likely to reach around 1.45, and miss the first 10-15 mins. 
No way.
Or yes way? How about it ? Kishore Pisapati vs Mumbai Traffic.. Kishore and the incredible race against time.. 
..
.....
Get ready, idiot!
It's now or never."

I got off the train at Dadar, and my watch read 1.25. Music was pumping into my earphones, and the track was an adrenaline upping one. I still had to travel 10 mins by cab from the highway outside the station.

Of course, the journey had obstacles. And time was running out. How else would it be fun? Bring it, Dadar.

And so I started to run.

People, peddlers, people, flower baskets, vegetables, garbage, people, people, etc were some of the obstacles. I swerved between and past them with mesmerizing speed. The music had a telling effect.

I took my seat at 1.45, and the movie began two minutes later.

That run was a spiritual experience in some ways. During that run, I had a revelation. I remembered how Jake Sully felt when he first ran in his Avatar, in the movie Avatar. 

You see, it wasn't the physical speed of the body that mattered. It was the mere act of running, and the context, which made me feel like I was flying.

It was weightlessness. To run, without a care in the world. I knew I was out of the pit.

People often give their own definitions to scientific terms, and here's me defining the term 'infinite'.

Infinite is the number of things you can do to enjoy life, at any time, in any circumstances.

The run was an act of passion for my love, the movies. And love needs to be shown, not just felt.

Remember what I said the bar getting raised by the movies I was watching in fast succession? It was hence unfathomable, that any movie could top Rush on the same day. 

"Her" did. It was beautiful.

Infinite is the extent to which you can feel, and live.

No conditions applied.

The Amazing build-up to TDKR

Just so we're clear, this is not a spoiler. I merely attempt to capture my experience before I watched it. I would rather die than ruin THIS of all movies for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. I mean it.

By now as most of you must've realized how crazy I am about movies. After reading this you might consider the fact that you underestimated my fanaticism. Let me tell you something: you always will.

I had pre-booked the tickets for The Dark Knight Rises for IMAX on the 28th of June. The date is relevant, since it helps emphasize the enormity of my shock and surprise that I didn't get it. The moment I discovered that (late Wednesday), I cancelled it before it redirected my request to a sub-standard theater. 

Then I checked PVR's site and found that my favorite theater was almost entirely empty for the first show of the morning on Friday at 9 o clock. Unsurprisingly, it took a lot of time to process my request because of the potential traffic at that point of time. The most anticipated movie of all time had turned virtually every online movie booking site into IRCTC.

After I successfully booked a top-row seat, the excitement was more palpable than ever. I felt like dancing all over Mumbai. Smiling for so long made it look like I had a coat-hanger stuck in my mouth.

You might have observed I said seat, not seats. Yes, I had decided to watch it alone. It was decided the moment I saw the trailer. A man with unconditional love towards something would never allow anything to come between him and his love. He would not tolerate the slightest criticism, or any comparison to anything/anyone else whatsoever. My friends tend to judge the movie based on the intermission, which I really hate. They say things like 'the first half was better' etc. Directors never intend to include an intermission.

Some may call this paranoia, like my friends here, but that's how it is. If you don't share another man's passion, then his passion is likely to be perceived as paranoia by you.

It was Thursday night, and my excitement had somehow turned into some sort of anxiety. I actually couldn't sleep through the night. I tried to sleep early, but was in a state of half-sleep throughout. Flashes of Batman were popping into my head, and it was so tangled up that you can't even call it a dream. I had been off the radar for a week ahead of the movie. I stopped reading the news, both offline and online, stopped tweeting etc. I was already off Facebook for a month. I tried to make the possibility of coming across a spoiler near to zero.

Even though I didn't sleep well, I woke up with the first alarm without a second thought, got ready, and set out on a journey, which was likely to be a life-changing one. When I got to the box office, I was taken aback by the multiple queues lined up. It was 8.45 in the morning !

It's always overwhelming to see that there are other people who share your passion.

I remember staring wide-eyed at this couple who were getting two tickets for Cocktail. At 9 in the morning. On a Friday. Oh, who am I to judge?

The theater was housefull within minutes. After the wonderful 52 seconds of the National Anthem were over, there was a calm throughout the theater. A calm before the storm. Then something happened, which I couldn't imagine in my wildest dreams would happen on that day.

The screen read: "Trailer: Man of Steel", and the audience started clapping and shouting. Before I could start wondering what was the big deal about this movie, the music started, and a woman's soft lament echoed between the walls. The moment it started, several chills went up my spine, and this electricity started flowing in my body. It was so beautiful and sad, I actually felt like crying. Judge all you want, but if you allow it, music can do that to you.

During those timeless seconds, I noticed the names Zack Snyder and Christopher Nolan on the screen, finishing with a man flying through the clouds. It was Superman.

Those sixty seconds really got to me. I think they made the entire experience a little more awesome.

I am not going to discuss/review the movie. I believe movies are like people: judge them by yourself, and leave others' opinions aside. Only then you will realize how you really feel about the movie, or the person. A review will rob you of the freedom of choosing the good or bad in a movie, even if it's a good review. 

All I'll say is: I walked in with goosebumps. I walked out in bliss, hope and more goosebumps.

Movies Movies Movies

Everyone has a preference for the subject of a conversation. Even the people who generally seem to have enough sense as to what the other person would be interested in talking about, there's always something they would simply love to ramble about. That something for me, is movies.

Up till the first year of my college, movies never meant a great deal to me. They were nothing short of a source of entertainment, which of course was the reason they started. But something changed my outlook completely after that. I think I ran into people who themselves had vantage points both unique and passionate.

I'm not really dancing on cloud nine these days, quite frankly. But right now I'm heaving with so much emotion, I just can't sleep till I write this. I thought a facebook status would do, but then this movie was so amazing I thought it'd be an insult to it. Thanks to this absolute delight of a movie, It's a Wonderful Life.



One could be passionate in many ways about movies. There are action buffs, romantics; while some prefer the lighter side of it.

My preference is pretty simple. I fall in love with anything that touches my heart.

It could be the dialogue, the conversation, the expressions, or the music alone. (I've decided to dedicate a different post altogether for rambling on music) This doesn't mean Twilight makes me coo and cry. The only thing I like in that movie is the cinematography. It's pretty amazing.

Anyway, there needs to be some serious levels of intensity in at least one aspect of the movies. The story, the acting, the music...could be any one, or even perhaps all. I won't mention any favorites here, otherwise this post will never end, and I'll end up looking red-eyed drunk in office tomorrow.

The point is, movies mean more to me than anything else. People resort to different things when they feel lousy and depressed. Talking helps the most, and I know it because I do it for other people. But when it comes to me, I could talk to a hundred people, have fifty depressed conversations (the other fifty would either go offline or walk away, sensing the mood), and still feel the same. So nowadays I talk less and watch a movie instead. If I were a scientist I would've published a column in Times Trends that Movies have proven to uplift the mood more than people.

Looking back, the characters I have loved in my favorite movies have a common trait: They all cared more about something else other than themselves. Bruce Wayne, Samwise Gamgee, John Keating, Sean Maguire...and now George Bailey. All of them have truly inspired me, not to succeed or achieve something, but they inspire me to LIVE. The great directors and writers, through these outstanding actors, speak of their ideas. Ideas, which spark the zest of my life.

 All you can take with you is that which you have given away. - (A quote I noticed on the wall in the movie.)

Thinking matters.

The inspiration to write comes to various people in various ways. For me, it comes when I have a really happy spike in my graph of life, or when I am blessed with a brilliant epiphany. This post is a result of a bit of both.

People who've been in touch with me recently know that I'm coming out of some tough times. I am tempted to use the word 'harrowing', but that seems like needless exaggeration now.

Everyone faces problems. It doesn't matter if you're the richest, wisest or strongest person on earth. You WILL face problems one way or the other.

I have a habit of overthinking, like I've mentioned in one of my previous posts. So I had this issue with my landlord, which was easy bait for my worrying head. It kept on amplifying it until it showed on my face, my work, and everything I do.

Most people told me I was being my usual paranoid self and I should stop worrying - the standard advice. Unsurprisingly, it didn't work for me. Knuckleheads like me need something eccentric to get shaken off the paranoia.

Whilst these crazy times, I watched Midnight in Paris. The next day, I couldn't help thinking about Owen Wilson, and how his idea of a book meant more than anything to him, to the extent of leading him to hallucinate about it. I marveled at how a man could get possessed by a singular thought and let it bring the best out of him. And that's when it hit me.


If there's one thing I learnt from the movie, it's that there are just too many things to think about in this world, of which only some matter. The rest are inconsequential.


I looked back at my thoughts over the past weeks, and realised how little it mattered, and how stupid I had been. That very moment I made a decision, and put it immediately out of my head.


If you give something a lot more thought than it needs, it will spread from your head like a virus throughout your body. If you let it, it will destroy you, like it almost did me. Trust me, I am not joking. An unpleasant thought can be more dangerous than any virus or bacteria. You might have Hrithik Roshan's abs or be Kareena Kapoor's nutritionist, but your physical health means squat if you're mentally unhealthy.


So just close your eyes for a moment, and think about everything that's worrying you right now. Now think again.


Would it really matter if you're unable to impress that girl?
If you lost a phone worth 30 grand, would crying about it get the phone back?
Are bad grades worth getting into chronic depression?


It might be easy for me to say it, but such thoughts are just not worth it. YOU are not worth it.
Sachin didn't utter a single word throughout the 100 centuries' drama, until he actually made it. Contrary to what people might say, I believe he's been able to do it because of his love for the game and the country. If he would've let the media and fans get to him more than it did, he'd have retired a long time back. But he never has, and never will.


Great people have achieved what they have, because they thought about the right things. They figured out what matters and what doesn't, which made all the difference.


Let your passion be the centre of your life, not your problems.