To Hans Zimmer, With Love

Dear Hans,

I feel like I've known you my whole life. We've never met, but you speak in the language of music - and I've been listening closely, for about a decade. Consider this letter as a long overdue reply.

I have been watching movies for the last 15 years or so, but I started paying attention to the background score after I watched Batman Begins, a movie that has since remained my favorite of all time. It brought out a side in me I had not known before; a side that came alive to the sound of music. When tears followed some of those times, I knew it wasn't a sign of weakness, but of the delight in complete vulnerability to music. The track 'Eptesicus' could evoke this feeling more strongly than any else. I know that feeling so well today, yet find it hard to explain.

It's like a force that sleeps deep within all of us most of the time, which wakes and responds only to the right notes. Tiny surges of electricity are felt from head to limb, and the body seems to elate on finding something to resonate with. Somehow I think Harry Potter felt it when he first held his wand; or what Erik (Magneto) felt it when he's able to move the antenna. A sense of infinite power engulfs your mind.

Since then, my mind automatically paid attention to the score of every movie I saw, and I made it a habit to collect them, and listen to them on my mp3 player. I reserved 'Eptesicus' for the moments of particular despair. And it worked every single time. I sailed through countless storms, and your music weathered them all.

With time, I learned to understand what the music was about as well. The score for the Batman trilogy always had a reinvigorating effect, and seemed to tell me to hold on, and stand resolute in the face of everything. Man of Steel, as I'm sure you intended it to be, was about Hope. In fact when I went jogging with that score playing, I felt like I could fly, with the confidence only Superman can emanate. And speaking of jogging, 'Injection' & 'Bare Island', made me run that extra lap. When I was in a hurry, there was nothing like 'Mombasa' for a spring in my step.

The story of how you came up with the Interstellar score is so apt, as the father-daughter relationship is the part I remember most fondly - exactly what Christopher Nolan wanted.

The single biggest influence recently was that of 'Why do we fall?', which empowered me during a crucial time in business school.

 So you see, it's not just that I love your music. With every passing day, more facets of my life have Hans Zimmer written all over them.

Last November when I was in Wroclaw, Poland - I thought I'd woken up to the greatest day of my life, because I thought I was attending a live concert of yours. Unfortunately it turned out to be only the name of the concert, with someone else attempting (and failing) to perform your great work. I'm still gathering pieces of my broken heart since then.

But I have not given up hope. Who knows, you might come to India one day, or nearby? Regardless, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, Sir. I don't believe in God, but I believe in you and your music.

Love,
Someone more than just a fan

Taking off in the MBA Flight

In the beginning of the movie Batman Begins, when Bruce Wayne finally scales the mountain and reaches Ra's al Ghul, he is huffing and panting.

Ra’s: Are you ready to begin?

Bruce: I… I can barely stand.

And then he gets kicked to the ground. A couple of more blows later, Bruce finally starts to defend himself, puts up a fight, and eventually faints.

This is the welcome a b-school gives to you, once you scale the mountain called CAT.

I wasn’t oblivious to this. I have heard friends talk about it. Most of you must’ve heard this too. But it’s not the same thing. It’s like the Matrix; you can’t be told what it is, you have to see it for yourself.

The first couple of weeks aren’t so bad though, when the only thing turning up the heat on you is the Sun. You walk around in campus, and survey the crowds for what IT guys would call leads and opportunities. There is an aroma of new found freedom in the air, and a proclivity towards being irresponsible. 

And then out of nowhere, you are expected to be athletes. A multitude of races are laid in front of you, and your mind starts to spin.

Clubs. Committees. Presentations. Exams. Competitions. CV. Placements. Placements. Placements.

On the very first day, I remember a line from the induction ceremony: “Most of you here; your lives have been graced with success till now. But beware; a lot of you will experience failure here in some way or the other.”

His words started making sense soon enough.

The feeling of complete worthlessness is a phase through which almost every MBA student has to pass. Regardless of what you have achieved before b-school, or how inhumanly talented you are, you will break. There is no escaping it. Winning all the races is out of question.

Yet the fact that some seemingly do better than others is undeniable. Some have that extra spurt of energy for whatever they do. In fact, experienced folks start feeling like a hundred years old, when kids fresh out of grad school run around and speak with over-exuberance. “Who’s that jumpy kid? I hate that bastard.”

Needless to say, extroverts run riot. Poor introverts, especially those who lack self-esteem, are left to question if they even deserve being here. I belong to the latter, and ended up with zero club/committee selections. A couple of selection tasks required me to online propaganda, or write boring articles with fancy words so that it is apt for a newspaper. I blatantly refused. In fact, most tasks will make you ask yourself, “Do I really want to do this? Is this really my thing?” Most of the people do it anyway. While some merely believe they can do it, others would see the incentive – CV points.

The importance of CV points is understandable, when you realize that your batch is full of people like you. It’s not class 9^th anymore, where you were the only one who could speak amazingly fluent English, or write poetry, play football, or play guitar, or have 90+ percent marks in 10^th and 12^th standard. Or even have all of the above. (Actually, not having 90+ percent marks is a crime you’ll pay dearly for throughout this life and the next seven or eight lives.)

I digress. Having gone through the turmoil of this first term, with an internship secured for next summer, I have realized one thing. One may call it a cliché, but that’s why they’re called clichés. They’re lessons we need to learn again and again.

What we have on our resumes doesn’t differentiate us. It’s our attitude that does.

MBA teaches us this critical lesson. Everyone’s paths will be crossed by falls and failure, regardless of your resume. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve broken down like a child myself. But I did not lose faith, thanks to the unbelievable support of my parents. When it mattered, especially during the summer placements, I had it together. It’s what Yoda from Star Wars would call the Force. The invisible shield that acts as a cocoon against all fear, doubt and disbelief; and keeps moving forward.

A word ought to be said about the people. We humans have always shown great unity in adversity, and it is no different for Term 1. Every 1^st year would agree that the seniors made a phenomenal effort to ease our burden, and we’re all encouraged to follow suit next year for our successors.

Life in MBA till now has been like an aircraft taking off, without its passengers wearing seatbelts. Our insides have been properly shaken and stirred, and the plane is now stabilizing into an auto-pilot mode. Hereon, we can either take control and choose our destiny, or sit back and stick with the auto-pilot.

Hereon, the world is at our feet. 

The Wait

I first saw her last December , on a cool Mumbai evening.

It was love at first sight.

No, it wasn't a girl. 

It was Interstellar.

Actually it was just the first teaser trailer. But it was enough for me. This is where my story begins.

For countless reasons, only some of which are fathomable, I haven't been able to write for this whole year, barring the one time in February. Needless to say, it has been a difficult time.

Like I said, it was December, and I had already given CAT, along with a bunch of others for getting into a B-school. None of them were promising enough for me to be hopeful. And this was my second and last attempt. Adding to it, I'd been told I won't get promoted with the rest of my buddies at work. That was the sacrifice I'd made for CAT.

 Staring into depths of an uncertain future, I came across this trailer. When I shared it on facebook, this was the caption:

Come what may in 2014 - I will absorb everything, and wait. Because now I can take it.

People often talk about their happy place. When times were bad for me, I'd say to myself, "Don't worry. Whatever happens, Man United have a game to play next week."

After watching this trailer, I had the same feeling. As long of Christopher Nolan is making movies, it's a reason to live for. 

I know it sounds crazy and perhaps melodramatic. Perhaps not to those who know me and my relationship with movies. But this year long wait for Interstellar got me through countless times of fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. 

Without going into details, I'll just say this: Most people I've met tell me emotional sensitivity is a weakness. But it really isn't. If you believe in good, then no matter how many times you break, you'll always find a way to heal, rise, and come back stronger.

So when today, 7th November arrived, the expectations had grown like an avalanche with every trailer, every moment, every breath.

THE BIG DAY

Ideally I'd have gone for the first show, but my mid-term exams were to conclude today. I spent 1200 bucks (for any foreigners reading this, it's actually rupees. We call them bucks to sound cool) on the ticket. This came as a shock to those here who don't know me that well. 

1. I was going alone, and 

2. I'd spent 1200 friggin' bucks on a movie ticket.

I had barely submitted my last answer sheet, and half my friends had already gathered and galloped to drink, who I'd have joined on any other day.

But then, today wasn't just any other day.

I have never, ever in my whole life, waited so longingly for anything. 

After throwing away the useless question paper and opening my wardrobe, a thought hit me: I'm gonna go dressed up for Interstellar. I couldn't help but smile at my own passionate insanity. Perhaps you now understand, why I was doing this alone. This was a date.

On my way to the movies, adrenaline was now starting to build up. Let's speed up that process, and make this story a perfect circle. Open phone --> Open video player --> There's only one video. 

And there she was, the teaser trailer.

Four hours later, I wonder - how many times does this happen in life? You wait a painstakingly long 11 months for the perfect day - and when you finally experience it, you find that perfect isn't even the perfect word?

To watch a movie is human, but a Nolan...divine

Infinity

I am floating. Flying. Drifting.

The feeling is that of weightlessness.

Gravity is not the only thing that drags us down. We all have our baggage, and get weighed down by several things.

Sandra Bullock, in "Gravity":  One can literally touch the serenity in this scene.

Alcohol, cigarettes, and substance abuse is done by many all over the world to feel free again, from the gut-wrenching pains of life. To feel weightless.

This post doesn't attempt to discourage any of those things. It is merely something else I did last week, when I felt down and out.

Every now and then we slip into negative spirals over the most trivial of things. I slip a little more than normal people, but I have become more and more adept at getting back up.

Last week was such a case. Down and down I went, into the self-loathing phase where even your walk betrays your mood, what with the hunched shoulders. Nothing looked even vaguely fascinating.

Then I picked up a book. And another. And another. Then I decided to watch the most compelling movies of 2013.

The change was quite evident. I felt like having met my long lost friends after years and years. The conscience began to take steps upward. Have you seen a wailing baby, and how it stops only if it's held by its mother? It felt like that.

Once you start moving upwards, you get these amazing ideas. No, not like discovering electricity. They are more like impulses, with a very positive ring to them. This Saturday for instance, I felt this incredible urge to go meet a close friend, who I hadn't met for a couple of months. That's progress, dear readers.

I have this annual tradition of trying to watch all the Oscar nominated movies before the awards are actually given out. Not that I am biased to like only the nominated films. It's just that we in India hear about only the commercially successful films. Anyway, back to the story.

Sunday arrived, and I decided to watch "Rush" the moment I woke up. In this surreal string of movies, I thought some disappointment is in store. Surely the next one can't be any better? But the bar just kept going higher.

"Her" was one of the nine nominated movies, available only in one theater in Mumbai. There was a 1.30 PM show, and a 11 PM show.
The theater was a good 20 kms away.
The clock said 12.30 PM.

Inside my head:

"Sure, the obvious choice is 11 PM now. The night will be cooler to travel, and it's too late to go for the 1.30 show now. 
Or is it?
I need 15 mins to get ready. Which means I'm likely to reach around 1.45, and miss the first 10-15 mins. 
No way.
Or yes way? How about it ? Kishore Pisapati vs Mumbai Traffic.. Kishore and the incredible race against time.. 
..
.....
Get ready, idiot!
It's now or never."

I got off the train at Dadar, and my watch read 1.25. Music was pumping into my earphones, and the track was an adrenaline upping one. I still had to travel 10 mins by cab from the highway outside the station.

Of course, the journey had obstacles. And time was running out. How else would it be fun? Bring it, Dadar.

And so I started to run.

People, peddlers, people, flower baskets, vegetables, garbage, people, people, etc were some of the obstacles. I swerved between and past them with mesmerizing speed. The music had a telling effect.

I took my seat at 1.45, and the movie began two minutes later.

That run was a spiritual experience in some ways. During that run, I had a revelation. I remembered how Jake Sully felt when he first ran in his Avatar, in the movie Avatar. 

You see, it wasn't the physical speed of the body that mattered. It was the mere act of running, and the context, which made me feel like I was flying.

It was weightlessness. To run, without a care in the world. I knew I was out of the pit.

People often give their own definitions to scientific terms, and here's me defining the term 'infinite'.

Infinite is the number of things you can do to enjoy life, at any time, in any circumstances.

The run was an act of passion for my love, the movies. And love needs to be shown, not just felt.

Remember what I said the bar getting raised by the movies I was watching in fast succession? It was hence unfathomable, that any movie could top Rush on the same day. 

"Her" did. It was beautiful.

Infinite is the extent to which you can feel, and live.

No conditions applied.

The Amazing build-up to TDKR

Just so we're clear, this is not a spoiler. I merely attempt to capture my experience before I watched it. I would rather die than ruin THIS of all movies for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. I mean it.

By now as most of you must've realized how crazy I am about movies. After reading this you might consider the fact that you underestimated my fanaticism. Let me tell you something: you always will.

I had pre-booked the tickets for The Dark Knight Rises for IMAX on the 28th of June. The date is relevant, since it helps emphasize the enormity of my shock and surprise that I didn't get it. The moment I discovered that (late Wednesday), I cancelled it before it redirected my request to a sub-standard theater. 

Then I checked PVR's site and found that my favorite theater was almost entirely empty for the first show of the morning on Friday at 9 o clock. Unsurprisingly, it took a lot of time to process my request because of the potential traffic at that point of time. The most anticipated movie of all time had turned virtually every online movie booking site into IRCTC.

After I successfully booked a top-row seat, the excitement was more palpable than ever. I felt like dancing all over Mumbai. Smiling for so long made it look like I had a coat-hanger stuck in my mouth.

You might have observed I said seat, not seats. Yes, I had decided to watch it alone. It was decided the moment I saw the trailer. A man with unconditional love towards something would never allow anything to come between him and his love. He would not tolerate the slightest criticism, or any comparison to anything/anyone else whatsoever. My friends tend to judge the movie based on the intermission, which I really hate. They say things like 'the first half was better' etc. Directors never intend to include an intermission.

Some may call this paranoia, like my friends here, but that's how it is. If you don't share another man's passion, then his passion is likely to be perceived as paranoia by you.

It was Thursday night, and my excitement had somehow turned into some sort of anxiety. I actually couldn't sleep through the night. I tried to sleep early, but was in a state of half-sleep throughout. Flashes of Batman were popping into my head, and it was so tangled up that you can't even call it a dream. I had been off the radar for a week ahead of the movie. I stopped reading the news, both offline and online, stopped tweeting etc. I was already off Facebook for a month. I tried to make the possibility of coming across a spoiler near to zero.

Even though I didn't sleep well, I woke up with the first alarm without a second thought, got ready, and set out on a journey, which was likely to be a life-changing one. When I got to the box office, I was taken aback by the multiple queues lined up. It was 8.45 in the morning !

It's always overwhelming to see that there are other people who share your passion.

I remember staring wide-eyed at this couple who were getting two tickets for Cocktail. At 9 in the morning. On a Friday. Oh, who am I to judge?

The theater was housefull within minutes. After the wonderful 52 seconds of the National Anthem were over, there was a calm throughout the theater. A calm before the storm. Then something happened, which I couldn't imagine in my wildest dreams would happen on that day.

The screen read: "Trailer: Man of Steel", and the audience started clapping and shouting. Before I could start wondering what was the big deal about this movie, the music started, and a woman's soft lament echoed between the walls. The moment it started, several chills went up my spine, and this electricity started flowing in my body. It was so beautiful and sad, I actually felt like crying. Judge all you want, but if you allow it, music can do that to you.

During those timeless seconds, I noticed the names Zack Snyder and Christopher Nolan on the screen, finishing with a man flying through the clouds. It was Superman.

Those sixty seconds really got to me. I think they made the entire experience a little more awesome.

I am not going to discuss/review the movie. I believe movies are like people: judge them by yourself, and leave others' opinions aside. Only then you will realize how you really feel about the movie, or the person. A review will rob you of the freedom of choosing the good or bad in a movie, even if it's a good review. 

All I'll say is: I walked in with goosebumps. I walked out in bliss, hope and more goosebumps.

10 epic movie scenes

So I thought since my last post was a little wayward, maybe this will make it feel more complete.
Here is the list of my 10 all time favorite movie scenes: Scenes which evoke emotions so powerful from me that I make sure I'm watching the movie alone.
(Note: This is slightly different from the list of my favorite movies)

To view the videos on the Youtube page, click on the title of the video.

#10. If only one thing had happened differently, from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button:
 

 #9. Desk scene, middle and end scenes, from Dead Poets Society

#8. George Bailey's speech, from It's a Wonderful Life

#7. The park bench scene, from Good Will Hunting.

#6.  Return of the King, from Lord of the Rings

#5.  How I feel, from The Departed:

#4.  Sam's speech, from Lord of the Rings:

#3.  Opening the Safe, from Inception:

 Blogger isn't allowing me to paste the video here, so I'm just sharing the URL. Click here


#2.  Wayne Manor burns, from Batman Begins:

If I could, I would have shared the link to the entire movie. It's the closest I feel towards any movie.

#1. The single greatest ending to any movie in my opinion, from The Dark Knight

I'm sure there are other scenes which choke me up or leave me entranced, but these are the ones I can always think about.

Movies Movies Movies

Everyone has a preference for the subject of a conversation. Even the people who generally seem to have enough sense as to what the other person would be interested in talking about, there's always something they would simply love to ramble about. That something for me, is movies.

Up till the first year of my college, movies never meant a great deal to me. They were nothing short of a source of entertainment, which of course was the reason they started. But something changed my outlook completely after that. I think I ran into people who themselves had vantage points both unique and passionate.

I'm not really dancing on cloud nine these days, quite frankly. But right now I'm heaving with so much emotion, I just can't sleep till I write this. I thought a facebook status would do, but then this movie was so amazing I thought it'd be an insult to it. Thanks to this absolute delight of a movie, It's a Wonderful Life.



One could be passionate in many ways about movies. There are action buffs, romantics; while some prefer the lighter side of it.

My preference is pretty simple. I fall in love with anything that touches my heart.

It could be the dialogue, the conversation, the expressions, or the music alone. (I've decided to dedicate a different post altogether for rambling on music) This doesn't mean Twilight makes me coo and cry. The only thing I like in that movie is the cinematography. It's pretty amazing.

Anyway, there needs to be some serious levels of intensity in at least one aspect of the movies. The story, the acting, the music...could be any one, or even perhaps all. I won't mention any favorites here, otherwise this post will never end, and I'll end up looking red-eyed drunk in office tomorrow.

The point is, movies mean more to me than anything else. People resort to different things when they feel lousy and depressed. Talking helps the most, and I know it because I do it for other people. But when it comes to me, I could talk to a hundred people, have fifty depressed conversations (the other fifty would either go offline or walk away, sensing the mood), and still feel the same. So nowadays I talk less and watch a movie instead. If I were a scientist I would've published a column in Times Trends that Movies have proven to uplift the mood more than people.

Looking back, the characters I have loved in my favorite movies have a common trait: They all cared more about something else other than themselves. Bruce Wayne, Samwise Gamgee, John Keating, Sean Maguire...and now George Bailey. All of them have truly inspired me, not to succeed or achieve something, but they inspire me to LIVE. The great directors and writers, through these outstanding actors, speak of their ideas. Ideas, which spark the zest of my life.

 All you can take with you is that which you have given away. - (A quote I noticed on the wall in the movie.)

A little change of heart

When I first started blogging, I didn't really know what to write about. Not that I have the greatest ideas nowadays, but the purpose has changed, and so have I.

The 'How I met my Employer' series definitely takes the cake, having given it a novel-like feel. But some posts were, now that I think about it, a little controversial and narrowminded. It was about justifying my own opinions, all the time.

Mumbai has taught me to respect a wider range of thoughts and choices. The diversity of people never ceases to amaze me. Ask someone what they think of a movie: you're likely to get five different opinions from five different people. Chances are you might find it disturbing: that someone loved Ra.One, or hated Black Swan, or liked 'Mere Brother ki Dulhan'. You might also judge people for supporting a club you hate, or listening to Justin 
Bieber.


All this used to bother me a lot before, and I talked to an esoteric group of people. A few weeks before, I was at the back of a cab with my friends from college, who'd come to visit me in Mumbai. We were discussing about which movie to watch, and at some point I suggested Agneepath, which was met by laughter laced with contempt and mockery. "Dude, since when did you start watching Hindi Movies?", one of them asked. I told them I'd watched most movies in recent times, including Ra.One, Rockstar, The Dirty Picture etc. 


They couldn't believe it. The guy, who enjoyed delving into the psychologically thought provoking depths of cinema, watching all this?

Yes. I think I've learnt to enjoy Bollywood movies. But does this mean that I just watch movies for entertainment, and no longer enjoy intellectually challenging movies? Absolutely not.

So what changed?


There's a song in the movie, 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind', and it goes like this:

"Change your heart
Look around you
Change your heart
It will astound you.."

That's exactly what happened to me recently, and it's not just about the movies.

The more restricted your thoughts and opinions are, the more black and white the world will look to you. It's upto you how you like the world.

I didn't know it was this colorful.


Try being okay with something you weren't before, and see how much color it brings. Start with the little things, like a hindi movie, or dancing in a party..anything. It might even be the likes and dislikes of someone. If that girl isn't into oscar winning movies, or doesn't look sophisticated enough, then deal with it. You might suddenly notice how curiously enchanting her eyes are, or how wonderfully charming her simplicity is.

If you give it enough time, you'll begin to look for the brighter side in every little thing, and it will soon become a way of life.


This Valentine's day, I may not have had a special someone, but I've started to fall in love with this world. All with a little change of heart.


The beauty of life is, no matter how good or bad it already is, you don't know how much better it can be.


Go add some color.

Of Movies and Musings.

1.This post is not intended in any way to criticize anyone's opinions.

2. When I say movie, I mean Hollywood.

Just like for anything else, everyone has their own opinion of movies they watch. Where once only the Academy existed, now there're entire websites dedicated to reviews and ratings. IMDb, Rotten Tomatoes.. you get the point.

This, inevitably has led to the biasing of the public's judgement. Many worship IMDb and their list of the top 250, and some of them don't watch anything rated below 7. Others call the movie total crap if it somehow passes over their head, or doesn't live up to their expectations.

Personally, I don't judge a movie by its rating. Not entirely, at least. I think I've more faith in the Academy.

Now you can all come at me flying with daggers, 'Tera kya jaa raha hai... Sabki apni choice hai..' etc.

Before you do so, I'm not here to tell you to make the right choice. This is not about what movies you like, but about those you don't like and tag as nonsense. The minds behind the movie deserve much more respect and credit than what we give. After all, it's a work of art.

Consider Da Vinci's art as an example. Most of you would be aware about the plethora of interpretations of The Last Supper, or the symmetrical beauty of The Vitruvian Man or the mystery behind that Mona Lisa smile. Heck, these very intricacies form the grounds for so many novels, and subsequently documentaries/movies.

That's the power of one single image.

Imagine the possible depth in a string of such images. Vis-a-vis, a movie.

If you think that you can comprehend that depth in one watch, you're kidding yourself. Of course, not everyone prefers to go that way. Some like it shallow. But please don't go mocking legends like Christopher Nolan, just because you didn't get Inception. 

DiCaprio with God.

Again, the problem is not is your depth or shallowness. Yes, some people just watch movies for fun, and some dig deep and try to look from the director's perspective. But no movie deserves to be called trash, especially when a movie blossoms after the painstaking efforts of hundreds. Ask yourself, does calling Mona Lisa stupid make any sense to you at all ? A movie is no different. They're both a work of art.

One of my friends made a movie (Antiparallel) in his first year. There was a lot of publicity before the screening, and expectations were high. I couldn't attend the screening for some reason. Afterwards, on what I heard from most friends, they didn't get one bit of it. Two years later, when this guy became a close friend, I finally watched it. Obviously, after what most people said, I wasn't too fussed about watching it.

It turned out to be superb. I had to watch a couple of scenes twice, and had a doubt about the last one. But coming from a first year, it was surprisingly intense and ornate.

I felt guilty about my earlier judgement. Art needs time to be perceived. 

The same goes for Inception too. Every time I watch it (5-6 times as of now), I observe something new, and it leaves me astounded every single time.

I'm not endorsing my friend's movie or Inception here (But I don't deny Christopher Nolan is my God). At some point, I'm sure many of you have discovered new insights after watching a movie again.

Lastly, this isn't a request to go watch the entirety of Hollywood and try hard to fall in love with every one of them. It's obviously up to you what you wanna watch. All I'm saying, some movies deserve more than one watch to be judged. And don't let sites like IMDb cloud your opinion even before you watch it, when you have a working brain to make your own opinions.

So, the next time you hear your mom tell off you, or your sibling, "Kitni baar dekhoge? Aajtak koi chapter toh padha nahi ek baar se zyada..", you can tell her that:

Mom, there are some things that are just meant to be done again.