The Wait

I first saw her last December , on a cool Mumbai evening.

It was love at first sight.

No, it wasn't a girl. 

It was Interstellar.

Actually it was just the first teaser trailer. But it was enough for me. This is where my story begins.

For countless reasons, only some of which are fathomable, I haven't been able to write for this whole year, barring the one time in February. Needless to say, it has been a difficult time.

Like I said, it was December, and I had already given CAT, along with a bunch of others for getting into a B-school. None of them were promising enough for me to be hopeful. And this was my second and last attempt. Adding to it, I'd been told I won't get promoted with the rest of my buddies at work. That was the sacrifice I'd made for CAT.

 Staring into depths of an uncertain future, I came across this trailer. When I shared it on facebook, this was the caption:

Come what may in 2014 - I will absorb everything, and wait. Because now I can take it.

People often talk about their happy place. When times were bad for me, I'd say to myself, "Don't worry. Whatever happens, Man United have a game to play next week."

After watching this trailer, I had the same feeling. As long of Christopher Nolan is making movies, it's a reason to live for. 

I know it sounds crazy and perhaps melodramatic. Perhaps not to those who know me and my relationship with movies. But this year long wait for Interstellar got me through countless times of fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. 

Without going into details, I'll just say this: Most people I've met tell me emotional sensitivity is a weakness. But it really isn't. If you believe in good, then no matter how many times you break, you'll always find a way to heal, rise, and come back stronger.

So when today, 7th November arrived, the expectations had grown like an avalanche with every trailer, every moment, every breath.

THE BIG DAY

Ideally I'd have gone for the first show, but my mid-term exams were to conclude today. I spent 1200 bucks (for any foreigners reading this, it's actually rupees. We call them bucks to sound cool) on the ticket. This came as a shock to those here who don't know me that well. 

1. I was going alone, and 

2. I'd spent 1200 friggin' bucks on a movie ticket.

I had barely submitted my last answer sheet, and half my friends had already gathered and galloped to drink, who I'd have joined on any other day.

But then, today wasn't just any other day.

I have never, ever in my whole life, waited so longingly for anything. 

After throwing away the useless question paper and opening my wardrobe, a thought hit me: I'm gonna go dressed up for Interstellar. I couldn't help but smile at my own passionate insanity. Perhaps you now understand, why I was doing this alone. This was a date.

On my way to the movies, adrenaline was now starting to build up. Let's speed up that process, and make this story a perfect circle. Open phone --> Open video player --> There's only one video. 

And there she was, the teaser trailer.

Four hours later, I wonder - how many times does this happen in life? You wait a painstakingly long 11 months for the perfect day - and when you finally experience it, you find that perfect isn't even the perfect word?

To watch a movie is human, but a Nolan...divine

Infinity

I am floating. Flying. Drifting.

The feeling is that of weightlessness.

Gravity is not the only thing that drags us down. We all have our baggage, and get weighed down by several things.

Sandra Bullock, in "Gravity":  One can literally touch the serenity in this scene.

Alcohol, cigarettes, and substance abuse is done by many all over the world to feel free again, from the gut-wrenching pains of life. To feel weightless.

This post doesn't attempt to discourage any of those things. It is merely something else I did last week, when I felt down and out.

Every now and then we slip into negative spirals over the most trivial of things. I slip a little more than normal people, but I have become more and more adept at getting back up.

Last week was such a case. Down and down I went, into the self-loathing phase where even your walk betrays your mood, what with the hunched shoulders. Nothing looked even vaguely fascinating.

Then I picked up a book. And another. And another. Then I decided to watch the most compelling movies of 2013.

The change was quite evident. I felt like having met my long lost friends after years and years. The conscience began to take steps upward. Have you seen a wailing baby, and how it stops only if it's held by its mother? It felt like that.

Once you start moving upwards, you get these amazing ideas. No, not like discovering electricity. They are more like impulses, with a very positive ring to them. This Saturday for instance, I felt this incredible urge to go meet a close friend, who I hadn't met for a couple of months. That's progress, dear readers.

I have this annual tradition of trying to watch all the Oscar nominated movies before the awards are actually given out. Not that I am biased to like only the nominated films. It's just that we in India hear about only the commercially successful films. Anyway, back to the story.

Sunday arrived, and I decided to watch "Rush" the moment I woke up. In this surreal string of movies, I thought some disappointment is in store. Surely the next one can't be any better? But the bar just kept going higher.

"Her" was one of the nine nominated movies, available only in one theater in Mumbai. There was a 1.30 PM show, and a 11 PM show.
The theater was a good 20 kms away.
The clock said 12.30 PM.

Inside my head:

"Sure, the obvious choice is 11 PM now. The night will be cooler to travel, and it's too late to go for the 1.30 show now. 
Or is it?
I need 15 mins to get ready. Which means I'm likely to reach around 1.45, and miss the first 10-15 mins. 
No way.
Or yes way? How about it ? Kishore Pisapati vs Mumbai Traffic.. Kishore and the incredible race against time.. 
..
.....
Get ready, idiot!
It's now or never."

I got off the train at Dadar, and my watch read 1.25. Music was pumping into my earphones, and the track was an adrenaline upping one. I still had to travel 10 mins by cab from the highway outside the station.

Of course, the journey had obstacles. And time was running out. How else would it be fun? Bring it, Dadar.

And so I started to run.

People, peddlers, people, flower baskets, vegetables, garbage, people, people, etc were some of the obstacles. I swerved between and past them with mesmerizing speed. The music had a telling effect.

I took my seat at 1.45, and the movie began two minutes later.

That run was a spiritual experience in some ways. During that run, I had a revelation. I remembered how Jake Sully felt when he first ran in his Avatar, in the movie Avatar. 

You see, it wasn't the physical speed of the body that mattered. It was the mere act of running, and the context, which made me feel like I was flying.

It was weightlessness. To run, without a care in the world. I knew I was out of the pit.

People often give their own definitions to scientific terms, and here's me defining the term 'infinite'.

Infinite is the number of things you can do to enjoy life, at any time, in any circumstances.

The run was an act of passion for my love, the movies. And love needs to be shown, not just felt.

Remember what I said the bar getting raised by the movies I was watching in fast succession? It was hence unfathomable, that any movie could top Rush on the same day. 

"Her" did. It was beautiful.

Infinite is the extent to which you can feel, and live.

No conditions applied.