The Wait

I first saw her last December , on a cool Mumbai evening.

It was love at first sight.

No, it wasn't a girl. 

It was Interstellar.

Actually it was just the first teaser trailer. But it was enough for me. This is where my story begins.

For countless reasons, only some of which are fathomable, I haven't been able to write for this whole year, barring the one time in February. Needless to say, it has been a difficult time.

Like I said, it was December, and I had already given CAT, along with a bunch of others for getting into a B-school. None of them were promising enough for me to be hopeful. And this was my second and last attempt. Adding to it, I'd been told I won't get promoted with the rest of my buddies at work. That was the sacrifice I'd made for CAT.

 Staring into depths of an uncertain future, I came across this trailer. When I shared it on facebook, this was the caption:

Come what may in 2014 - I will absorb everything, and wait. Because now I can take it.

People often talk about their happy place. When times were bad for me, I'd say to myself, "Don't worry. Whatever happens, Man United have a game to play next week."

After watching this trailer, I had the same feeling. As long of Christopher Nolan is making movies, it's a reason to live for. 

I know it sounds crazy and perhaps melodramatic. Perhaps not to those who know me and my relationship with movies. But this year long wait for Interstellar got me through countless times of fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. 

Without going into details, I'll just say this: Most people I've met tell me emotional sensitivity is a weakness. But it really isn't. If you believe in good, then no matter how many times you break, you'll always find a way to heal, rise, and come back stronger.

So when today, 7th November arrived, the expectations had grown like an avalanche with every trailer, every moment, every breath.

THE BIG DAY

Ideally I'd have gone for the first show, but my mid-term exams were to conclude today. I spent 1200 bucks (for any foreigners reading this, it's actually rupees. We call them bucks to sound cool) on the ticket. This came as a shock to those here who don't know me that well. 

1. I was going alone, and 

2. I'd spent 1200 friggin' bucks on a movie ticket.

I had barely submitted my last answer sheet, and half my friends had already gathered and galloped to drink, who I'd have joined on any other day.

But then, today wasn't just any other day.

I have never, ever in my whole life, waited so longingly for anything. 

After throwing away the useless question paper and opening my wardrobe, a thought hit me: I'm gonna go dressed up for Interstellar. I couldn't help but smile at my own passionate insanity. Perhaps you now understand, why I was doing this alone. This was a date.

On my way to the movies, adrenaline was now starting to build up. Let's speed up that process, and make this story a perfect circle. Open phone --> Open video player --> There's only one video. 

And there she was, the teaser trailer.

Four hours later, I wonder - how many times does this happen in life? You wait a painstakingly long 11 months for the perfect day - and when you finally experience it, you find that perfect isn't even the perfect word?

To watch a movie is human, but a Nolan...divine

The Power Of Randomness

In one of my daydreams I've seen myself writing a book with the same title as this post. But like SRK says, kal ho na ho. Forgive me for not having a better quote.

How many times, my friends, have you associated something with luck? An average person would tend to believe atleast five of his friends who've 'made it' in life (whatever the hell that means), have had a fair share of luck.

What is luck, after all? A random event occurring in your favor? I think that's the popular opinion. And here's what I think..

As a kid I used to say I don't believe in luck, and as an adult I often claim I believe in randomness. There's a very subtle difference.

In my opinion, all wisdom starts from accepting that you're highly ignorant. Human beings have always justified ends from means. But nothing we say can be accepted as a timeless truth, where by timeless I imply something that is, always has been, and always will be valid.

Going by that assumption (since calling it truth would lead to a self-contradiction or a paradox), it comes to accepting the fact that, there are a great many things in this universe outside our control.

Mike Tyson once quoted - "Everybody makes plans, until they get punched in the face."

Ask yourself, how many instances can you recall having gone exactly as you planned? 

This, my friends, is called randomness. It is something that happens, seemingly out of place. When it looks to have advantaged someone's predicament, we call it good fortune. Otherwise we call it bad luck.

So luck is ultimately just a perception of the consequences of the occurrence of a random event.

Let me give you an example. I'm sure you've heard of the term negative publicity. Sometimes movies get famous (or infamous in this case) because they happen to hurt religious sentiments of a particular community. This inadvertently sometimes leads to greater anticipation for the crowds, and the movie ends up making more money than it estimated.

Here, before the movie was officially released, this event would've counted as bad luck. They could not foresee a certain scene affecting a certain group of people. But it did. What they cannot foresee, is whether the movie will ultimately be released or not. It is beyond their control. And depending on how this outside factor acts, the reaction to that scene will get labelled as good or bad luck.

If someone gets sent off in a football match, the team is considered disadvantaged, no matter how good the team is. But in some cases the sending off arouses the ten man team to perform even better, and they go on and win the game.

So what I'm trying to say is, there is no count of how many things are actually outside our control, but that does not change the fact that the perception is still upto us. People often use the phrase 'a blessing in disguise.'

"I make my own luck" - Harvey Dent, from The Dark Knight.

All of us tend to think of the immediate consequence of an event, but no one can foresee how something can change our lives forever. We tend to get depressed when the love of our life doesn't reciprocate the feelings. Or when we get rejected in interviews. This brings me to the idea of Hope.

Hope, is the belief that the consequences of the randomness around us, will somehow benefit us in the long run. That no matter how colossally our plans fail, there is something good at the end of it. 

And ironically, it is perfectly okay to hope, because of randomness. 

As a kid, Sidney Sheldon tried to commit suicide when he was 17. His father, having forgotten something (random event), walks back to the apartment and catches him in the act. Or more appropriately, before it. And this is what he tells him. 

'Life is like a novel. It's filled with suspense. You have no idea what is going to happen until you turn the page.'

I don't know a better line which captures the beauty of randomness. Having read his autobiography, Sidney Sheldon's life from that moment went on to live one of the most possibly enriched and envied lives.

I would like to give the readers the same advice. Many times in life, people will reject you. Events of heartbreaking capacity will happen to you, make no mistake. But imagine the opposite. Imagine things inexplicably swinging in your favor. Imagine all your dreams coming to life.

People or events don't intend to make you or break you. NOBODY can take the power of choice from you. The choice to hope or to dismay.

Embrace the power of randomness. A power that will make you laugh heartily at every unexpected event, man, woman or child who seem to think they decide your future.

A power that you can wield, to live life beyond your wildest dreams.

"Remember, Red. Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies."

- The Shawshank Redemption.