In Memoriam

In case anyone finds any part of this post offensive in any way, please let me know. In delicate times like these, how you feel is my utmost concern.

There is a perpetual void in my heart today, left by a beloved friend of mine; of many.

This is a sorrow shared by many of us, and today I feel like sharing my thoughts, which I hope can be the feeblest of attempts to ease this harrowing time.

He goes by the name Harry.

I am known to be a very talkative person. Right from the report cards of class I, the teachers have thought so. 

Harry knows that more than anyone else. He knew the best of me, and the worst of me. That's one thing he would be proud of. If I told him he wouldn't believe it, but I've talked to him more than with anyone else. Especially the embarrassing moments, you can't share with everyone.

He was a good prankster. Or maybe I am indeed that gullible. My favorite one is when he called me from Bangalore, talked in a fake voice (pretending to be someone from Deloitte), telling me that I have been transferred to Bangalore. I totally fell for it, until he couldn't hold it anymore and burst out laughing.

People come into our lives and touch them in such mysterious and beautiful ways. I knew him only for five years, but the memories are etched vividly, as if I've known him my whole life.

We used to talk about everything; from latest crushes to movies to songs to books. Sometimes we read lines from books on the phone. He has been bugging me to read Shantaram for a few months now, and I've been putting it off all this while. Flipkart will get to my desk in a few hours with it. He also used to call me a 'sucker' for falling for the same girl again and again. 

FIFA. Man, I could write for hours about the times we played it. The same goes for carom. The mockery, the taunts, the laughs...more than I wanted to win, I wanted to play it with him. Because it was so much fun.

When I was saying my goodbyes on the last day of college, I wept like a baby when it was his turn. My parting words actually had the words Fifa and carom. He just smiled.

But then that's the thing about him. In every single memory I have of him, he is laughing or smiling. How many people does one get to know like that ? If living is an art, then his life is a masterpiece.

This is something I salute him for. I don't remember him cribbing about anything much. I just remember incessant laughter. Have you seen the smile on people's faces when they look at Mr Bean? That bubble of joy you feel inside? It's something like that. 

There are so many things we over think about. We never seem to appreciate the time we have. Not him. There was an amazing simplicity to his life; never liked luxury of any sort. Sports meant the world to him, wherever he went; whether it was college, office, or a corporate trip to the United States.

Today happens to be my birthday. Initially I thought I'd better not make a big deal about it, since this is not the right spirit. But I ask you this: how can we claim to know the right and wrong time for anything, when we can't even tell how much time we have? Who knows, this might be the last birthday I'm having. Don't look at me like that. Who knows?

There is an element of sanctity to a birthday. Some people don't like celebrating it, but I think it deserves more than that. Anyway, right now I don't want to press on it, in case I hurt any sentiments.

So today I'm thankful. I'm thankful that I have had the gift of life for 23 years. I'm thankful to my office folk, who have been so incredibly accommodating and supportive of me during the last two days, without realizing it perhaps.

I'm thankful, that I've been fortunate enough to have known and met you, Harry. And I know exactly what you'd say to all this:

"Sucker."

I'm gonna smile at that word for the rest of my life. Be at peace, my brother.

The Death of Subtlety

There was a time when being able to read between the lines was considered a gift. I remember how we used to talk in 'code' languages in school. The greatest works in literature are usually hard to decipher. Ministers in courts used to talk in riddles, paraphrasing the simplest of things. There used to be a hidden meaning behind everything. A subtext, if I may.

That time is long gone.

 The word subtle does not sell anymore. I could quote endless instances that tantamount to this. I started observing this when the song Bhaag Bhaag DK Bose came out. BC Suttah is another song that's synonymous with virtually every Indian teen today. That Hunter song in Gangs of Wasseypur exemplifies this simple fact: Audacity sells more than anything else today.



Take nudity for instance. Kids ten years ago used to look forward even to an advertisement with a woman showing off her cleavage. Show the same to today's kids, and they're likely to respond: 'What was I supposed to see in this?' 
People may not have noticed it as much, but except fashion lovers, anything below nudity for a beautiful woman in a movie is nothing short of disappointing.
Nobody will google for Mallika Sherawat when people like Sherlyn Chopra are walking this earth. If facebook survives another couple of years, it may even remove the restrictions on uploaded pictures.

Movies with depth are perceived as 'Blah' by the common man today. Today there is an upper limit to how much you twist words and ideas, because people out there do not seek to ravage their heads trying to understand. A laziness has crept into the minds of the 21st century: a laziness, which stops them from thinking too deeply. True, there are people out there who still have a passion for depth and hidden meanings, but that number is gradually decreasing. 

Funnily enough the same rule can be applied to wooing and flirting with women. I don't know whether this was always the case, but I have always been a master of subtlety. And it hasn't exactly worked wonders for me till now. Question is, should I shed my convoluted true self, just to get a girl? 

Anyway, if you're reading this and thinking on similar lines, take my sincerest advice - Stop beating about the bush, subtlety is DEAD.

The Amazing build-up to TDKR

Just so we're clear, this is not a spoiler. I merely attempt to capture my experience before I watched it. I would rather die than ruin THIS of all movies for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. I mean it.

By now as most of you must've realized how crazy I am about movies. After reading this you might consider the fact that you underestimated my fanaticism. Let me tell you something: you always will.

I had pre-booked the tickets for The Dark Knight Rises for IMAX on the 28th of June. The date is relevant, since it helps emphasize the enormity of my shock and surprise that I didn't get it. The moment I discovered that (late Wednesday), I cancelled it before it redirected my request to a sub-standard theater. 

Then I checked PVR's site and found that my favorite theater was almost entirely empty for the first show of the morning on Friday at 9 o clock. Unsurprisingly, it took a lot of time to process my request because of the potential traffic at that point of time. The most anticipated movie of all time had turned virtually every online movie booking site into IRCTC.

After I successfully booked a top-row seat, the excitement was more palpable than ever. I felt like dancing all over Mumbai. Smiling for so long made it look like I had a coat-hanger stuck in my mouth.

You might have observed I said seat, not seats. Yes, I had decided to watch it alone. It was decided the moment I saw the trailer. A man with unconditional love towards something would never allow anything to come between him and his love. He would not tolerate the slightest criticism, or any comparison to anything/anyone else whatsoever. My friends tend to judge the movie based on the intermission, which I really hate. They say things like 'the first half was better' etc. Directors never intend to include an intermission.

Some may call this paranoia, like my friends here, but that's how it is. If you don't share another man's passion, then his passion is likely to be perceived as paranoia by you.

It was Thursday night, and my excitement had somehow turned into some sort of anxiety. I actually couldn't sleep through the night. I tried to sleep early, but was in a state of half-sleep throughout. Flashes of Batman were popping into my head, and it was so tangled up that you can't even call it a dream. I had been off the radar for a week ahead of the movie. I stopped reading the news, both offline and online, stopped tweeting etc. I was already off Facebook for a month. I tried to make the possibility of coming across a spoiler near to zero.

Even though I didn't sleep well, I woke up with the first alarm without a second thought, got ready, and set out on a journey, which was likely to be a life-changing one. When I got to the box office, I was taken aback by the multiple queues lined up. It was 8.45 in the morning !

It's always overwhelming to see that there are other people who share your passion.

I remember staring wide-eyed at this couple who were getting two tickets for Cocktail. At 9 in the morning. On a Friday. Oh, who am I to judge?

The theater was housefull within minutes. After the wonderful 52 seconds of the National Anthem were over, there was a calm throughout the theater. A calm before the storm. Then something happened, which I couldn't imagine in my wildest dreams would happen on that day.

The screen read: "Trailer: Man of Steel", and the audience started clapping and shouting. Before I could start wondering what was the big deal about this movie, the music started, and a woman's soft lament echoed between the walls. The moment it started, several chills went up my spine, and this electricity started flowing in my body. It was so beautiful and sad, I actually felt like crying. Judge all you want, but if you allow it, music can do that to you.

During those timeless seconds, I noticed the names Zack Snyder and Christopher Nolan on the screen, finishing with a man flying through the clouds. It was Superman.

Those sixty seconds really got to me. I think they made the entire experience a little more awesome.

I am not going to discuss/review the movie. I believe movies are like people: judge them by yourself, and leave others' opinions aside. Only then you will realize how you really feel about the movie, or the person. A review will rob you of the freedom of choosing the good or bad in a movie, even if it's a good review. 

All I'll say is: I walked in with goosebumps. I walked out in bliss, hope and more goosebumps.

To Coldplay with Love

Dear Coldplay,

I feel like a little kid thanking JK Rowling for Harry Potter. But even though you're not JKR and I'm not a little kid, my gratitude is as innocent, sincere and heartfelt.

The first song of yours I heard was Viva la Vida, since I had read about it winning a Grammy. I'll be honest, I didn't think much of it back then. Little did I know that a few months down the line, you were going to change my life forever.

The day I heard Clocks, my opinion changed completely. Chris Martin, Sir, there is a certain effortlessness in your voice, so mystifying that it relaxes me instantly. The same goes for  Guy Berryman, Jonny Buckland and Will Champion. The piano, guitar and drums just compound the effect.

I may not know much about music, or what exactly you intended with the lyrics of your songs. What I do know that when I listen to Coldplay, every negative thought I have in my mind is wiped out. Just like that. The smile on a kid's face, the hues of the sky, the warmth of the morning sunshine - my world is suddenly alight with infinite beauty all around. There's a skip in every step I take, and a smile in every breath I take.
In fact, when I listen to 'Every Teardrop is a Waterfall', I literally dance home from work, no matter how my day was.


I love 'Paradise' so much, both the video and the song. There is a simplicity to it which fills every cell of my body with positivity.

In  'Death and all His friends', when you go 'so come over, just be patient, and don't worry..', I feel as if God is talking to me. I don't believe in prayers, shrines or deities, but I believe in you, Coldplay. I believe no matter how hard my life is right now, no matter how bad things are going for me, it is going to get better, and there is no stopping it.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much ! I doubt any of you realize how much you inspire people, not just me.

Today, on World Music Day, I dedicate all the good I've done and felt in the last few months to you guys. You have, with or without intending to do so, given me hope when I needed it the most, made me make the right choices in tough times, and shown just how beautiful life is.

Love,
One of your biggest fans

10 epic movie scenes

So I thought since my last post was a little wayward, maybe this will make it feel more complete.
Here is the list of my 10 all time favorite movie scenes: Scenes which evoke emotions so powerful from me that I make sure I'm watching the movie alone.
(Note: This is slightly different from the list of my favorite movies)

To view the videos on the Youtube page, click on the title of the video.

#10. If only one thing had happened differently, from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button:
 

 #9. Desk scene, middle and end scenes, from Dead Poets Society

#8. George Bailey's speech, from It's a Wonderful Life

#7. The park bench scene, from Good Will Hunting.

#6.  Return of the King, from Lord of the Rings

#5.  How I feel, from The Departed:

#4.  Sam's speech, from Lord of the Rings:

#3.  Opening the Safe, from Inception:

 Blogger isn't allowing me to paste the video here, so I'm just sharing the URL. Click here


#2.  Wayne Manor burns, from Batman Begins:

If I could, I would have shared the link to the entire movie. It's the closest I feel towards any movie.

#1. The single greatest ending to any movie in my opinion, from The Dark Knight

I'm sure there are other scenes which choke me up or leave me entranced, but these are the ones I can always think about.

Movies Movies Movies

Everyone has a preference for the subject of a conversation. Even the people who generally seem to have enough sense as to what the other person would be interested in talking about, there's always something they would simply love to ramble about. That something for me, is movies.

Up till the first year of my college, movies never meant a great deal to me. They were nothing short of a source of entertainment, which of course was the reason they started. But something changed my outlook completely after that. I think I ran into people who themselves had vantage points both unique and passionate.

I'm not really dancing on cloud nine these days, quite frankly. But right now I'm heaving with so much emotion, I just can't sleep till I write this. I thought a facebook status would do, but then this movie was so amazing I thought it'd be an insult to it. Thanks to this absolute delight of a movie, It's a Wonderful Life.



One could be passionate in many ways about movies. There are action buffs, romantics; while some prefer the lighter side of it.

My preference is pretty simple. I fall in love with anything that touches my heart.

It could be the dialogue, the conversation, the expressions, or the music alone. (I've decided to dedicate a different post altogether for rambling on music) This doesn't mean Twilight makes me coo and cry. The only thing I like in that movie is the cinematography. It's pretty amazing.

Anyway, there needs to be some serious levels of intensity in at least one aspect of the movies. The story, the acting, the music...could be any one, or even perhaps all. I won't mention any favorites here, otherwise this post will never end, and I'll end up looking red-eyed drunk in office tomorrow.

The point is, movies mean more to me than anything else. People resort to different things when they feel lousy and depressed. Talking helps the most, and I know it because I do it for other people. But when it comes to me, I could talk to a hundred people, have fifty depressed conversations (the other fifty would either go offline or walk away, sensing the mood), and still feel the same. So nowadays I talk less and watch a movie instead. If I were a scientist I would've published a column in Times Trends that Movies have proven to uplift the mood more than people.

Looking back, the characters I have loved in my favorite movies have a common trait: They all cared more about something else other than themselves. Bruce Wayne, Samwise Gamgee, John Keating, Sean Maguire...and now George Bailey. All of them have truly inspired me, not to succeed or achieve something, but they inspire me to LIVE. The great directors and writers, through these outstanding actors, speak of their ideas. Ideas, which spark the zest of my life.

 All you can take with you is that which you have given away. - (A quote I noticed on the wall in the movie.)

Thinking matters.

The inspiration to write comes to various people in various ways. For me, it comes when I have a really happy spike in my graph of life, or when I am blessed with a brilliant epiphany. This post is a result of a bit of both.

People who've been in touch with me recently know that I'm coming out of some tough times. I am tempted to use the word 'harrowing', but that seems like needless exaggeration now.

Everyone faces problems. It doesn't matter if you're the richest, wisest or strongest person on earth. You WILL face problems one way or the other.

I have a habit of overthinking, like I've mentioned in one of my previous posts. So I had this issue with my landlord, which was easy bait for my worrying head. It kept on amplifying it until it showed on my face, my work, and everything I do.

Most people told me I was being my usual paranoid self and I should stop worrying - the standard advice. Unsurprisingly, it didn't work for me. Knuckleheads like me need something eccentric to get shaken off the paranoia.

Whilst these crazy times, I watched Midnight in Paris. The next day, I couldn't help thinking about Owen Wilson, and how his idea of a book meant more than anything to him, to the extent of leading him to hallucinate about it. I marveled at how a man could get possessed by a singular thought and let it bring the best out of him. And that's when it hit me.


If there's one thing I learnt from the movie, it's that there are just too many things to think about in this world, of which only some matter. The rest are inconsequential.


I looked back at my thoughts over the past weeks, and realised how little it mattered, and how stupid I had been. That very moment I made a decision, and put it immediately out of my head.


If you give something a lot more thought than it needs, it will spread from your head like a virus throughout your body. If you let it, it will destroy you, like it almost did me. Trust me, I am not joking. An unpleasant thought can be more dangerous than any virus or bacteria. You might have Hrithik Roshan's abs or be Kareena Kapoor's nutritionist, but your physical health means squat if you're mentally unhealthy.


So just close your eyes for a moment, and think about everything that's worrying you right now. Now think again.


Would it really matter if you're unable to impress that girl?
If you lost a phone worth 30 grand, would crying about it get the phone back?
Are bad grades worth getting into chronic depression?


It might be easy for me to say it, but such thoughts are just not worth it. YOU are not worth it.
Sachin didn't utter a single word throughout the 100 centuries' drama, until he actually made it. Contrary to what people might say, I believe he's been able to do it because of his love for the game and the country. If he would've let the media and fans get to him more than it did, he'd have retired a long time back. But he never has, and never will.


Great people have achieved what they have, because they thought about the right things. They figured out what matters and what doesn't, which made all the difference.


Let your passion be the centre of your life, not your problems.

A little change of heart

When I first started blogging, I didn't really know what to write about. Not that I have the greatest ideas nowadays, but the purpose has changed, and so have I.

The 'How I met my Employer' series definitely takes the cake, having given it a novel-like feel. But some posts were, now that I think about it, a little controversial and narrowminded. It was about justifying my own opinions, all the time.

Mumbai has taught me to respect a wider range of thoughts and choices. The diversity of people never ceases to amaze me. Ask someone what they think of a movie: you're likely to get five different opinions from five different people. Chances are you might find it disturbing: that someone loved Ra.One, or hated Black Swan, or liked 'Mere Brother ki Dulhan'. You might also judge people for supporting a club you hate, or listening to Justin 
Bieber.


All this used to bother me a lot before, and I talked to an esoteric group of people. A few weeks before, I was at the back of a cab with my friends from college, who'd come to visit me in Mumbai. We were discussing about which movie to watch, and at some point I suggested Agneepath, which was met by laughter laced with contempt and mockery. "Dude, since when did you start watching Hindi Movies?", one of them asked. I told them I'd watched most movies in recent times, including Ra.One, Rockstar, The Dirty Picture etc. 


They couldn't believe it. The guy, who enjoyed delving into the psychologically thought provoking depths of cinema, watching all this?

Yes. I think I've learnt to enjoy Bollywood movies. But does this mean that I just watch movies for entertainment, and no longer enjoy intellectually challenging movies? Absolutely not.

So what changed?


There's a song in the movie, 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind', and it goes like this:

"Change your heart
Look around you
Change your heart
It will astound you.."

That's exactly what happened to me recently, and it's not just about the movies.

The more restricted your thoughts and opinions are, the more black and white the world will look to you. It's upto you how you like the world.

I didn't know it was this colorful.


Try being okay with something you weren't before, and see how much color it brings. Start with the little things, like a hindi movie, or dancing in a party..anything. It might even be the likes and dislikes of someone. If that girl isn't into oscar winning movies, or doesn't look sophisticated enough, then deal with it. You might suddenly notice how curiously enchanting her eyes are, or how wonderfully charming her simplicity is.

If you give it enough time, you'll begin to look for the brighter side in every little thing, and it will soon become a way of life.


This Valentine's day, I may not have had a special someone, but I've started to fall in love with this world. All with a little change of heart.


The beauty of life is, no matter how good or bad it already is, you don't know how much better it can be.


Go add some color.

A Red Tribute

Love is in the air.

Quite unlike me for a starting line, I know.
So with Valentine's day approaching, for which people start making plans quicker than they might for an imminent apocalypse, I thought I should join the trend. I thought it'd be a nice idea to write about what I love.

Today is a very special day. On February 6th, 1958, the Busby Babes of Manchester United played their last ever football match, against Red Star Belgrade, before they met tragedy in the Munich air crash. May their souls rest in peace.

So yeah, this post is my small tribute to them and to Manchester United, the football club I truly love.

I started watching football in early 2007. Uptil then, my knowledge depended solely on how much I played Fifa. Two of my close friends were Man Utd fans. So I started watching the matches with them, and gradually become one myself.

You don't need to be the smartest person to notice that this was a team with a knack of making the most amazing of comebacks in any game. These are the highlights of the Champions League final in 1999, where Man Utd scored twice in the last three minutes to defeat Bayern Munich.

Over the time I grew extremely fond of this never-say-die spirit. Sometimes I used to wonder, whether they are just a series of coincidences. But that many? Nah, it had to be something else.

Then in 2011, I watched this documentary/movie of Manchester United (United), dedicated to the Busby Babes - named after their legendary manager, Sir Matt Busby.

Before watching this I had no idea what had happened in the Munich Air crash. It was just a term which I heard occassionally. It was a boiling 40 something degrees on a Sunday, and I was in Baroda doing my internship. There was a power cut as well.

Amidst all this, I started watching this movie. The power cut persisted, but not once did I pause to wipe my profusely sweating head.

No amount of words can do justice to the martyrs of that unfortunate day, but for those unaware, here's a very brief description of what happened.

The team had traveled to Munich to play a match against Red Star Belgrade, another European club. The flight in which they were supposed to go back failed to take off twice in the intense snow storm. The third time was the undoing.

Of the 44 people onboard, there were 23 casualties, which included 8 Manchester United players. I won't go into much detail, but effectively the team was finished, with Sir Matt Busby also critically injured.

This brings us to my favorite scene in the movie, where the Man Utd Board has a meeting with the stand-in manager Jimmy Murphy, and tell him that for the time being it is best to shutdown Manchester United Football Club. Murphy is enraged and tries to convince them he can pull it off. That he can get the players and the training. And when the board says how everyone's shattered by the loss, this is what Murphy says to finally convince them:

“No..no.. it's not about the players. It’s about showing who we are to the world - that we won’t be bowed by tragedy. How we behave in the future will be founded on how we behave today.”

And boy was he right.
To this day, Manchester United is recognized all over the world for its character and spirit.
Even today, they were 3-0 down to Chelsea in the second half, but ended the game at 3-3.

Manchester United is a symbol of hope to me. Bad times visit us all, but we all don't react quite the same way. Tragedies, injuries, controversies...they've had it all, but everytime they got back up. In situations where most teams would give up every shred of hope, they didn't, and still don't.

Their gameplay is outstanding, but I don't claim that they play the greatest football in the world. Whether you win or lose can never be entirely upto you, but it's another choice that makes all the difference: To believe or not to believe.

I Believe.

Just Relax

Time and again you hear stories or watch movies where some major incident happens to someone, in total randomness, and somehow changes that person's life.

It's been six months in Mumbai now, and looking back at 2011, the contrast between the first and second half of the year has been stupendous for me.


While there wasn't a single person to talk to in the first, I've been surrounded by so many ever since Mumbai happened. Heck, I was meeting five different people everyday for the first couple of weeks.


If I could, I'd place a ruler on the screen, draw a vertical line and state the differences like a question for five marks. But I won't go into details here as I'm pretty sure people know what living in Mumbai means. It's different for me since I jumped so suddenly from Baroda to Bombay, much like an atom from the innermost shell to the outermost one. (I thought I should include atleast one geeky joke to remind myself that I'm actually an engineer)


This is a city of a wonderful plethora of people, and I have really enjoyed being a part of the lives of some very special people.

For many a year now, I've been constantly told that I think too much. These people I'm talking about have carried on that tradition as well.


Some of us just can't help it. We just have the tendency to overthink every little thing. You hear words like 'Just Chill', 'Abe senti kyun ho raha hai', 'Dude just relax..', and it can be really irritating. But after yesterday, I simply have to accept that those words make sense.


It was a typical Friday evening. The five of us hadn't had a fun friday together for a while, what with people going home or elsewhere for Christmas and New year's eve. We were going in groups of two and three, me being one of the two.


Time and traffic were in plenty, and random trains of thought led the two of us to talk about career, what we're doing, what we want... you know the story. The auto driver pulled the brakes awkwardly in the middle of a highway, since a Santro was standing as well.


Moments later, we heard a loud screech of brakes, then crash. Before we could figure out why exactly the car was stopped there, another rammed into the rear of our vehicle, knocking us halfway off our seats. And as we were spontaneously figuring out how to react, there was another series of screech, crash and jerk.


Since this isn't a movie, I don't have to explain and describe the shouting and arguing that ensued, so I'll get straight to the point: There wasn't much damage done to the vehicles, and everyone escaped unscathed.


Okay, I didn't exactly escape impending death here. But I don't want to wait for an actual fatal incident and other drama to come walking by and change my life. I'd rather make the best of what's already happened.

What it did was bring out a simple and obvious truth: You may think you're the most normal person in the world, reading weird scary stuff in the papers everyday, thinking surely that's never gonna happen to me. You might have planned every second of your life for the next ten years.


But the fact is, all that can be obliterated in a millisecond, without you sensing it coming at all.


All week I've been depressed because everyone seems to know what they're doing, and I don't even know what I want. Yesterday was definitely a hint.


Before anything else, I want to live.


And when I say this, I don't mean that every single minute I'm thinking, 'OMG I could die anytime. I'll just do/say what I want today!'


What I mean is, one needs to draw a line. Sometimes we forget this and overthink.
But from now on, I'll make a conscious effort to just relax. I never made any new year resolutions before, this looks like a good one to start with.

Happy New Year everyone! :)

2012: The first of hopefully many fridays :)